My Mobile, My Man!

Of late, I have been on a mission to find the perfect smart phone for myself. In this process, I could not help but correlate and decipher the uncanny similarity of the whole episode to the process of finding a life partner…
Confused? Read on for more…

You have loved simplicity all through. You didn't want to be interrupted by work emails at 1 am in the night and hence the decision - not to own a blackberry. This decision was made and sealed years ago. But the time has come, when you feel shaky about the decision of yesteryears. Was it the most apt thing to do? Was it a wise decision at the first place? You find your friends and colleagues around you flaunting the latest smart phones, and flashing them at you as their sign of achievement and success. Shucks! Realization dawns upon you and you want to be a proud owner of one of those geeky-cum-trendy gizmos! Enough of dilly dallying - you decide to firm up your mind and go for it! This is on-the-dot similar to how you feel when you see most of your friends getting married or engaged and to beat it up - few already have babies (!), to which you decide to take the plunge and enter the most awaited partner-search phase!

Once the decision has been made to start the hunt, the grueling task begins. You ask friends, family and colleagues for opinion on the latest phone models. This is followed by collecting more information on online review websites wherein you compare various available options. Most definitively, you filter out information based on the brand, budget, form and features, just like you filter down your attributes during your man-hunt - Indian origin, Mumbai-resident, Post grad degree… and so on. This is quite similar to searching profiles on a shaadi.com website, or hunting for single prospects at family gatherings or friends’ parties, followed by snooping on their facebook information!

You kick-off the task by first short-listing a few brands – Nokia, Sony Ericsson, HTC, Blackberry and so on. Usually Nokia models are very reliable and run forever. Sony Ericsson phones have the best multi-media. HTC ones look great and suave, but shitty in terms of efficiency, and battery-life. Blackberry ones are stunted to professionalism, and are very multi-media deprived. Likewise, Bengali grooms are usually reliable, but are most-definitely mamma’s boys. As long as you can live with that fact, you are good. South Indian models are as reliable; but you need to compromise on non-communication with in-laws as you’d never be able to learn those languages. Phew! Marathi guys are sweet and chase you like there’s no tomorrow, but your house-maid Asha-bai’s drunkard husband’s epitome makes you wary of them! Gujju-Marwari grooms would weigh you high on dowry. An UP-ite would initially woo you with their inborn Lucknowi andaaz and tehzeeb and later shower you with quintessential bhaiyya vernaculars. A Punjabi munda would be well-built and would have looks to kill for. However the same physique could be a deal-breaker when the husband beats up the wife with his ‘dhaai-kilo ka haath’ post marriage after downing a couple of Patiala pegs! Stereotypical, but could possibly be somewhat true nonetheless. ;)

Budget – 25K, less would be great. However, could stretch if the model is irresistible! You’d settle for a well-to-do guy, no dowry demands, good in-laws… Form – swivel, slider, QWERTY, brick, etc. etc. Well-built, athletic, slim – choose the form as you wish. Just remember - a huge brick might be out of fashion, yet the sturdiest.

Once the basics have been ticked against, then you choose the key features, talk-time, camera resolution, and connectivity options and the additional features like hands-free, inbuilt-Dictaphone, visiting card reader and others. While short-listing a man, you essentially follow the same approach. Make a laundry list of compulsory attributes that he must absolutely possess (presentable looks, decent height, a post-grad degree, enchanting chivalry, a well-to-do job, an irresistible smile, so on and so forth) and a list of secondary criteria that are good-to-have, but not necessarily deal breakers (pally in-laws, a whooshing car, a flat overlooking the seas and the ability to sing for you all night long!). Depending on your budget (read - self-looks, attributes and ‘aukaad’), see if you want to compromise on certain attributes. You decide on the trade offs of having a high talk-time vis-a-vis a high resolution video recording. Similarly, you chose your man - high maintenance versus a low maintenance partner.

After the basics and essential features are in place, you then sort the list based on newest to the oldest models. You wouldn’t consider a model which has been in the market for 2 years or more. Likewise, you would be wary to try out fresh new entries, as there are no reliable reviews to vouch upon. Just like - you wouldn't want to marry someone who is very old, neither someone who is very naive. ;)

Once you have sorted it out and shortlisted the phones, you’d like to go and check the actual look and feel of the same, for which you pay a visit to the nearby showroom. It’s more or less like the first date. This is when the visual assessment happens. In banal terms, you try to check him out unapologetically, you try to do a foolproof test, find minor glitches, and look for weird things he does.

Be really guarded while striking the final deal. Some deals are very leery and too good to be true. You need to quick-flag them. The in-laws claim they will treat you as their daughter and give you all they have, no dowry demands. In the backdrop you could see them celebrating at finally disposing off their impotent/ gay lad! Start looking for another mobile and a different dealer showroom before that happens to you.

Sometimes, one look is enough and you know that this is the one. Trust your gut feeling and take that blazing red brick phone, no matter how much friends, family, or colleagues advise you against buying the model. It is you who will use it. Don’t be afraid to go for the attributes you are most absolutely looking for. Haggle. Bargain. Negotiate. Even if you don't get reduced prices, freebies don't harm! Play hard to get.

Once you have bought it, its your to keep. Explore all its features with no fear. Loosen up yourself, feel his attitude. Don’t be afraid to explore him in and out... Treasure him…. Mobile-hunt and man-hunt are essentially similar processes. You are still looking at the same parameters - brand, budget, form and features, be it a mobile or a man!

- Shipra

Epilogue:
Over time, scan the market again and go for a model upgrade if possible. ;)